[e]_BaL’s Po3

–||a fren of mine was the one who asked me to start writing again on my blog…i said to him tht if i got the time,i will do so.but it seems to me tht i’m like hooked up rite now.always feels the urge to write…i guess its kinda true what ilyas said…bloggers are ppl who r lonely n they don’t have anyone to talk to with.am i tht lonely????||–

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just got back from the salon.got my hair cut short…its not like really short,just short…not like short short,just short,i mean shorter than how i usually cut my hair that is.hehehe.

on my way back,Lee called me.he ask me to help him in his "mission".wait2 its more like he bagged me to help him (darnit..wish i had bought those damn 3G phones.i really would pay to see his face talking to me on the phone).the sense of empowerment came back 2 me!!!muahahahaha!!! i’m like king of the world now.finally..somebody needs me after this long week of sulking & "blaming" myself up.its like rite now,ain’t nothing can stand in my way.hohoho.i’m sooo into myself rite now it almost feels like i’m obsessed with myself…can u blame me ppl???hehehe

p/s: i’m my own no. 1 fan…yeah that’s rite  =p

just got back frm johor…

do guys ever get the feeling tht yr being ignored???having tht insecure feeling tht ppl just don’t wanna listen 2 u no more…how this one minute,u feel that u hv someone to turn 2 at the end of the day,but in the next minute,u just realise,that the person is no longer there… .

i describe myself as a person who is immature and acts childishly for his own age,who’s a bit clingy to those around me and can sometimes be just "loud" (this is just the negative side of me owh kay..)i sometimes ask myself…am i an eyesore or am i annoying to those around me??if ppl that hates me (and i hate them to..) feels tht way,well tht’s just too bad.but tht’s not the case here.i asked some of my frens,and this is how they reply:

"you just think too much…"

"that’s who u really are.u can’t just change tht.if ppl can’t accept u for who u r,then their not yr real frens…"

"yr just being yrself…"

maybe i’am thinking too much.but i just can shake this gut feelings that i’m feeling rite now.hurm…it would be nice if just for one day,only for one day, i could hear ppls thought.know what they really feel.not only towards me but also towards ppl & things around me.even for one hour,that would be enough.but tht’s just life rite.wishes don’t just come true … .

this last few days, i found myself  addicted 2 reading surveys posted by frens on friendster’s bulletin.its kinda weird n funny all at the same time to see ppl sometimes pour their hearts content on such simple questions.i 2 was tempted to answer one of the surveys being circulated and i found myself being stressed out,trying to answer those questions.hehehe.

yesterday around 5 (i think),jo called me saying that he just got back frm BTN.glad to hear that he’s doing fine after being mentally n phsically "abused" for the past 4 days.huhuhu.hope yr resting yrself well now jo.the other joe msg me saying that he’s in KL rite now.i’m soooooooo damn looking fwd to meet him.its been ages since i last saw him wayy y back during my sarawak "golden years".got lots of catching & b#tc**g up to do..hahaha.but anything being planned by us wacky duo needs to be halted 4 a few days 4 now.i got my weekend fully scheduled.sigh…

darn..gotta stop b4 mom starts nagging now.need to get ready 2 go 2 johor.its kinda weird u know.i keep on going back 2 johor quite a lot this past few years.although i only have 1 relative staying in JB.hurmmm,i wonder….

p/s:nxt week will be a blast!most of my homies frm s’wak will be in town..yeay!!!!

i went 2 bangsar yesterday…not for the usual reasons…this time,its a vist during the day light.hehehehe.i accompanied my mama to the pantai medical center for her endoscopy test.its a test where u insert in a camera attach to long rubber thingy from yr mouth down to the other end to see whetehr sumthings wrong inside u.sounds painful..but thanx to choloform,u’ll be knocked-out through the entire process.

its a grueling 6 hrs wait 4 me at the hospital.but to hear tht there’s nothing wrong with mama, it makes it worthwhile.the doc says tht her colon is a wee bit more sensitive than it shoul be…i’m just sooo relived to hear that frm the doc’s mouth.all these while i was so damn worried coz my late grandpa (my mom’s dad) died bcoz of colon cancer.her next appoinment would be on the 4th of december.hope to hear more great news frm the extensive test done by the docter by then…. .

is it wrong to ask 4 sumthin tht u noe it would just b 2 impossible 2 achieve it???

but, if i really  really wish 4 tht sumthin 2 happen…would it come true???

i’m getting more n more confuse lately about things tht is happening around me.i’m a bit lost..hurmm..wait,make tht totally lost.i just don’t noe wht i want anymore.even if i desire 4 one thing,half way there…i’ll just stop.

u see,there is this one particular "thing" that has been buging me 4 quite sometime now.i just don’t noe how to deal with it…just thinkin bout it gives me "minor anxiety attacks"…ppl always say tht as time moves on,so does everything else..and as it moves,it even solves problems…but the question here is, "how long does one without the courage to confront he’s problems have to wait?"…

i soo need my "comfort ppl" rite now…argh!!!it soo feels like shit over n over n over again……. .